Buddhist Practice: fear

I did not recognize fear as a problem - just a reaction. I was not aware that it could be either lessened or disposed of - 'everyone is afraid of something, are they not?' my former attitude. Then I learned how peaceful and better it is to live without anger or hatred, and turned my attention to fear. Was I still as scared and concerned as I used to be - or had this area also been improved - and if not, could it be?

I recognized how much I had changed in regard to insects. As a child, I had a recurring nightmare of spiders slowly filling my bedroom. This was so strong, I had woken screaming or crying on my bedside mat on at least one occasion. Recently, I allowed a spider to nest just above my pillow and was able to sleep quite soundly.

Buddhism has helped me learn that not only humans are alive. We all seem to recognize our own kind above other forms of life - rather than view everything that is alive as equal, and Buddhism has helped cure me of this fault.

Once I had a firm belief in reincarnation, I wondered if these insects were formerly humans I had known - friends who were now dead, relatives… there was no way I could bring myself to intentionally murder a spider again, thinking that maybe it was someone I had once loved and been close to - that had come to live close to me again, in their new body. It would indeed be very wrong of me to scream and spray murderous chemicals at my former mother or aunt!

Focusing on this gain in understanding has brought me closer to the insect population and also freed me of a childhood fear. I began to see the benefit of not being afraid unless the fear was naturally arisen rather than created by a faulty attitude.

I may not be free of jumping and gasping in shock when something suddenly happens, nor of certain concerns, but I have managed to rid myself of the trembling dread and shivering sweatiness I used to be prone to in legal situations, and have discovered much braveness within me when it comes to facing potential dramatic problems - for example, 2 years ago when I was in a financial crisis and 3 days from possible homelessness, I was able to stay mostly calm inside, just a little shaky with the 'not knowing' in the situation but without any deep rooted terror or panic. So yes, Buddhism has helped me yet again - major league fear is another emotion I am now rid of.