Buddhist practice: disappointment

For the second time in 4 weeks, I had difficulty getting online due to ISP connection problems recently.

Once, this would have made me extremely grumpy, possibly even frantically angry and/or panic at my inability to send my completed work to its destination and collect some new tasks to earn from.

I have now managed to prevent anger from arising - and hopefully this is a permanent result - but I have yet to remove the minor problems such as annoyance and disappointment.

On this occasion, I was successful in banishing frustration and annoyance - but still failed to prevent disappointment and mild concern.

The mild concern is due to having a set amount of work/income required per week and falling an hour behind the essential ratio - but I can catch up next week. I can therefore logically prove there is no need to experience mild concern and remove it.

The disappointment stems from the fact that I regularly enjoy my Friday internet sessions, as once my work and have-to's have been completed, I can have fun socializing and playing games, and also networking/chatting with loved ones, whilst playing music from a favorite band.

I can view this as a temporary problem, an inconvenience that is a part of life, or a karmic result that has to be lived through - but I cannot (yet) prevent the feeling of disappointment from taking hold.

One day, I hope to have the strength to do this - and work until I can become totally free of disappointment. I KNOW the logic required, but have yet to ACT and EXPERIENCE release from disappointment. I UNDERSTAND what I need to know, but I have yet to put it into action…

Once again, I can see that Buddhism will solve this problem, but have yet to work on actually solving it and succeeding.

REVIEW: The Dhammapada - Nikunja Vihari Banerjee

It has been interesting to read a different version of the Dhammapada to the one in the library. The library version comes with pleasant pictures and accompanying stories - whereas this one is pure text and also has the Pali text for me to studiously devour.

No, I do not yet know very much Pali - like my Sanskrit and Tibetan, it is basically Buddhism based and somewhat limited. I would say that I know less that 100 words total - though I may know a bit more Sanskrit as I come across lots of it in my Yoga studies too!

I find having pure text rather than pictures and stories far easier to study. If I were searching for a family reading book, the library copy would suit me more - but as I wish to study Buddhism and LEARN, this one does.

I have found that on my second read-thru of this version I have already gained some learning, as I am beginning to pick which version of the words that are noted as having more than one meaning seems to best fit for myself. I am also finding a few possible viewpoints that seem to have been overlooked - based on my studies of Buddhism all over the place and personal practice.

REVIEW: A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life - Shantideva

This book can be taken in two different ways - either as a poetic historical explanation of how one human set out on his path to right the wrongs and become a Bodhisattva - or it can be taken as a series of advice and guidelines for others on that same path, or those hoping to reach that path.

If taking the former attitude, one can learn attitudes and techniques that might help us in our regular life with specific problems, feel grateful tha someone managed to get so far, and find relief that at least one being on this planet was intent on improving sufficiently to help many of us. One can also relate to various viewpoints and attitudes encountered along the track.

If taking it as advice or a guideline, one needs to read the book several different ways. Firstly, as a book. Secondly, as separate verses. Thirdly as separate chapters. And fourthly, as an overall reference to problems like to occur and for general inspiration.

I am not going to comment further until I have read the book at least twice more, having just read it for a second time and not yet knowing it well enough.

Buddhist Practice: fear

I did not recognize fear as a problem - just a reaction. I was not aware that it could be either lessened or disposed of - 'everyone is afraid of something, are they not?' my former attitude. Then I learned how peaceful and better it is to live without anger or hatred, and turned my attention to fear. Was I still as scared and concerned as I used to be - or had this area also been improved - and if not, could it be?

I recognized how much I had changed in regard to insects. As a child, I had a recurring nightmare of spiders slowly filling my bedroom. This was so strong, I had woken screaming or crying on my bedside mat on at least one occasion. Recently, I allowed a spider to nest just above my pillow and was able to sleep quite soundly.

Buddhism has helped me learn that not only humans are alive. We all seem to recognize our own kind above other forms of life - rather than view everything that is alive as equal, and Buddhism has helped cure me of this fault.

Once I had a firm belief in reincarnation, I wondered if these insects were formerly humans I had known - friends who were now dead, relatives… there was no way I could bring myself to intentionally murder a spider again, thinking that maybe it was someone I had once loved and been close to - that had come to live close to me again, in their new body. It would indeed be very wrong of me to scream and spray murderous chemicals at my former mother or aunt!

Focusing on this gain in understanding has brought me closer to the insect population and also freed me of a childhood fear. I began to see the benefit of not being afraid unless the fear was naturally arisen rather than created by a faulty attitude.

I may not be free of jumping and gasping in shock when something suddenly happens, nor of certain concerns, but I have managed to rid myself of the trembling dread and shivering sweatiness I used to be prone to in legal situations, and have discovered much braveness within me when it comes to facing potential dramatic problems - for example, 2 years ago when I was in a financial crisis and 3 days from possible homelessness, I was able to stay mostly calm inside, just a little shaky with the 'not knowing' in the situation but without any deep rooted terror or panic. So yes, Buddhism has helped me yet again - major league fear is another emotion I am now rid of.

Buddhist Practice: hatred 2

I wished to know what the Dalai Lama would recommend to someone in my situation, because at the time I had no idea of how difficult his own troubles in relation to China were. I did not think his enemies were as destructive or purposefully cruel as mine, only people making accidents and mistakes.

It took my learning of the Tibetan situation and then reevaluating what the Dalai Lama was saying as well as my own acceptance of karma and experience of time-out from hatred before I could begin to accept that it would be possible to separate the doer from the deed. I first learned to recognize that 'a fellow human who was not aware of the damage they were doing to their own future was doing wrong deeds'.

I could take that a new way, feeling compassion for them from my understanding of how karma works, stepping away when attacked to limit the viciousness and retaliation involved, and separating the man and the deed. This led to my not having to hate them to stay separate from them, recognize their deed as wrong and being as mistaken, and free myself from the horrid fury of hatred within me.

I learned to disapprove of their wrongful gestures, while not flooding a furious barrage of snarling fury at them for inflicting me. I learned that non reaction led to helping both them and me. I did not have a head filled with horridness and they were not in an ever continuing fierce battle but standing alone on the war field doing harm in their ignorance.

I am still learning to deal with dislike and rejection, but I can finally say that I have learned not to hate.

Buddhist Practice: hatred 1

Hatred was hard for me to deal with at first, because there was so much of it within me - I was used to it. Of course, I did not like feeling hateful - but I used to feel that provided my hate was directed to those who purposefully did me wrong rather than just made mistakes, it was called for. Buddhism has since released me from this attitude, though it took a while.

When I first read a Buddhist text, it was one of the Dalai Lama's 'for everybody' Buddhist-based advice books. I found it curiously interesting and filled with good ideas - but I could NOT get my mind around accepting that hate of badness was wrong, only hate of goodness seemed to be wrong to me at that time.

I was trying hard to understand if there was a way of stopping myself from hating - as I have led a life where I have encountered a specific difficult enemy and much trouble from this source. I could at first see no way of benefiting by ceasing to hate him, because what he had done and was doing was 'wrong'.

Even once I had learned of karma, and how it may be my fault that I was being afflicted by someone doing wrong toward me, I found it impossible not to hate them for doing so. Even if it were my fault they were present in my life - I found it difficult to accept that it was not also their fault for doing something bad to me.

Buddhist Practice: anger

After a month or two without anger, when it began to return I was determined not to let it stay for long. I much preferred the peaceful calmness inside of me than the raging rabidity of seething at injustice or frustration.

At first, I learned to visualize anger and blow it away - like an approaching bubble or cloud that I did not want to sit on me or sink inside. Once I had managed this, I began to recognize that smaller problems often led to anger, so I began to blow these away also.

When I sensed the seeds of frustration, annoyance, injustice, aggravation, irritation, and their kin attempt to settle down and make home within my head, I began to blow these away also.

This attitude has kept me 99% anger free, and 75% lesser contributory free for a year or so. When I review the first 40 of my almost 43 years, I realize that I was a very angry person - even if I generally controlled myself physically, it came out verbally, poisoned me emotionally, and streamed out of me in endless torrents of written word.

I now try to let only naturally arisen emotions abide within me - a step further in mental control. I see so much poison and destruction in emotions made within the regular human heart and mind, that I prefer to do without them.

I am running at around 75-80% success rate - but a little uncertain as so many texts seem to teach that we should 'recognize and accept' our emotions rather than totally wipe them out and feel emotions only of a deeper source. Yet what I am doing works for me - naturally arisen emotions may be happy or sad - but they are REAL.

Beheading the kilesas

There is only one anger, one hatred, and one fear to behead - but having slaughtered and removed these from within my mind, there are so many bits of body left to remove before total peace within…

Beheading anger, leaves behind the zombie body of aggravation, impatience, irritation, injustice, and annoyance…

Beheading hatred leaves behind the zombie body of dislike, rejection, non approval, incompatibility, disappointment, and disgust…

Beheading fear leaves behind the zombie body of concern, agitation, worry and shock…

It is so much easier on the days I can turn my back on my upper mind and use my lower mind instead - but when I cannot do this, I work on removing these nasty zombie bodies…

REVIEW: The Tibetan Book of Yoga - Geshe Michael Roach

I had no idea that such a form of Yoga practice existed prior to writing up a short review of Tibetan Heart Yoga for my Yoga blog-site during the latter half of 2008. I have been practicing Yoga for a couple of years now, and apart from two setbacks, one where I became lazy with my practice and one where I currently suffer from a back problem caused by an illness and inability to practice regularly, have found yoga to be of great benefit, both physically and spiritually.

I have not aligned myself to any specific brand of Yoga, but was I the process of investigating many options prior to locating a suitable strain to adhere to. Whilst Tibetan Heart Yoga may or may not end up being my overall choice, it is definitely a style of Yoga I wish to continue to practice long term.

Combining commonly known Yoga asana with Tibetan postures, Tonglen and visualization practices, Tibetan Heart Yoga combines the physical with the spiritual in a way that can progress both Yoga and Buddhism practice. This book covers the actions, words, visualizations, and overall techniques involved in the practice with some background information. It offers sufficient to practice at home, though to advance beyond the basic into a more complex practice it would appear to require participation in classes or further teachings.

By following the methods for practice outlined in the book, I have managed to obtain several benefits:
* a more demanding physical practice, with many of the Asana I previously ignored or passed by being required
* the integration of Buddhist and Yoga practices
* a specific structured routine, rather than a self-led structure
* the ability to develop my Tonglen practice in a safe way
and
* inclination to stick with a set course and master it, rather than adapt to myself as I go

Buddhist Theory: How helpful! 3.

When you count the handful of people who have learned enough to start making a difference, and then counted the number of people who have not even started to fix themselves yet - you may feel like me - somewhat worried that the situation on earth will be getting far worse before it gets any better - unless the hell-zone extends and has more room in it or expels some of its previous occupants. It makes life on our planet look somewhat difficult.

However, if my own life has improved dramatically, I have a handful of friends who have also made great advances in their own lives, and I do not know the entire population - I guess there will be some of us left to head in the correct direction. If major league personal improvements eventually lead to a better life when the major league karma has expired, life should somehow improve as our many lives evolve - for us at least.

But - what about the numerous people on this planet that are not making these changes - not even slight improvements - people who are totally unaware that the longer they go on the way they do the longer their lives will be stuck in difficulty?

Where does one BEGIN to help others?

Feeling at an enormous loss as to how I can possibly help any other human, I have turned to bugs and birds. I feel much more capable of demonstrating a better way of living to them than to my own kind. Perhaps they will be reborn as people soon, and remember the difference between a kind human that does not harm them and the rabid mass that do not seem to care…?

Buddhist Theory: How helpful! 2.

My next concern came when I recognized that I had made major progress. I had stopped getting furious at others for filling my life with stuff I did not want, society for being unfair and making wrongful decisions that affected me, and friends for failing me - even if I tried 99-100%. I began to learn to deal with the rubbish in my life, because if it truly came from my own past deeds, then it was not fair of me to blame others.

I also learned to stop being angry, hateful, and impatient. I am still working on the minor pieces, but the strongest of these negative emotions no longer dwell in me.
However, I then began to wonder…

Yes, I felt much better about myself, my path through life, and my personal spiritual progress. Not feeling the horrid sensations of anger, rage, fury and hatred seething within, made me feel much calmer and I easily filled up on love and compassion, naturally aimed at birds, bugs, and people too. I knew that if I had stuffed up somewhere in my past, I could not blame others for my being in a mess now. I also accepted that I could learn very much from Buddhism and reading from both Thai Dhutanga and Tibetan Vajrayana sources seemed the perfect balance for my brains.

But…

Here was I, enthusiastically working on improving myself rapidly and dramatically - amidst a world filled with people who were not bothering to do anything at all to improve themselves or their situation. I have some friends who are - and I am truly grateful to them for existing! If I were totally alone, I would feel rather strange. However, I look at how many people on the planet are seething with hatred, anger, and these major league problems and this leads me to wonder if there will ever be a time when our planet recovers from the human population.

So many people do not even know that they could fix themselves - let alone that doing so would eventually lead to a much nicer place to live for us all. So many people do not even care, taking these rabid ragings as a part of everyday life. They expect to be angry and hateful and impatient - because that is life as we all know it…

Buddhist Theory: How helpful! 1.

Sometimes I contemplate how different I was just two or three years ago, and how it has been a combination of two factors that have brought about the new and much improved me that I am today - Buddhism and Yoga.

I was reading something that I had written just 3 years ago - and was amazed at what an angry, passion-filled, hateful, screaming, demanding, impatient, grumpy human being I used to be. I hardly recognized myself, in fact. Yes, I still recognized love and nature as right in a wrong world - but I had no clue as to how to live within them rather than demand they were given to me as my right!

When I look about me, I wonder if people even realize that they could make wonderful changes and feel so much better within - and if they do, why they have not bothered to. I spent many years trying to fix the outside of my life because I saw it as unjust, polluted by man, unfair, and wrong. It took a heavy dose of Buddhism to help me accept that I should fix my own reasoning rather than hurl out abuse at every wrong that hit me just because I KNEW it was unfair.

I spent a long time analyzing matters to ensure that THEY were unfair rather than my expectations, and when finding them to be unjust, criticized them for being at fault. It was not until I read, learned, and practiced Buddhism that I began to fix myself - major help arrived when accepting and understanding karma.

I had always looked upon wrongness as being unfair because I tried so hard to perfect my own life. It was not until accepting that previously done actions on my part had brought these matters into my life that I stopped blaming the world, society, and others for my problems with them.