Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 3

Having learned to deal with newly arising potential causes for hatred or anger, I was able to step backwards and deal with historical matters. There was no way in which to locate the elusive reason behind the lady's action, however there were ways to stop hating her for what she did, and to accept that she had reason, even if I will never know what it was.

There is no longer any cause for hatred, as I have accepted that she had purpose in her action. Perhaps she did not even realize how seriously her decision affected my young life. With 2/3s my social activities wiped away, and facing upcoming examinations without the sanctuary of an engrossing hobby, I reacted in the only way I then knew to reject her decision. Looking back, it faded from importance. I forced my way into new avenues of continuation, escaped the school life, and began to write my way into freedom until I could live it for real.

An even greater hatred arose in my twenties and thirties. This still gives me occasional problems today. I entered a mistake, viewing it wrongfully as a solution - a migration and marriage.

Whereas I could handle the marriage not working out, and step away from my error, my former partner is still troubling me to return and punishing me for not doing so, some 18-20 years post separation. As a young mother needing to protect her youngster from this man's constant threats, violence, malevolence, and spiritual interference, I put up a barrier of hatred for many years. It has only been a year or so that I have been able to forgive, if not forget.

I still have moments where fear, disgust at injustice, and rejection of incompatibility occur. However, I am now free of intense hatred or furious rage in opposition. I can accept that he is caught in his karma and unable to escape, but that it would be detrimental for me to attempt to assist him at this time. He simply is incompatible. Even the Buddha found beings he was unable to assist - and I view my original ex as such for my own case. I have learned to accept this, rather than maintain a constant hatred.

I will continue this discussion my next post.