Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 1

I was recently asked in what areas other than diet I have changed my lifestyle since taking refuge and pursuing the Buddhist path. Reflecting on the question for a while, I thought it might be easier to create a list of matters I have not yet changed, for this would surely be the shorter of the two. However, dealing with the question as stands, I would say that the largest changes concern my anger and hatred levels, ability to deal with difficulties, direction of enthusiasm, and attitude to bugs.

My childhood personality was one of fuming Spanish tempers and rambling imaginative lies. I was forever pretending to be a character from a TV show, acting out playful scenes with the aid of various teddy bears and dolls and a satin sheet that I used to play with. If I liked the idea of something, but did not know many details, I would proudly claim that I knew everything about the subject and rattle out a pack of lies. This was due to enthusiasm without knowledge, rather than bad intentions. My raging anger surfaced at injustice, or whenever I felt I was not being listened to or my point not being taken into account. Much door slamming and stair stamping issued from my young boisterous body at such times. Young as I was, I felt I had the right to lead my own life my own way, direct from the age of knowing from inside what was right or wrong for me.

During my teens, I learned to hate. I was not seriously out to be cruel or evil, but circumstances led me into certain situations that I did not have any alternative way of dealing with at that time. The two most major disruptions causing a build up of hatred within me being school and cessation of bell-ringing activities.

School-life in an English high school was not pleasant for me. The word school conjured up images of sitting up straight in a desk, listening to a teacher, learning what was taught, and becoming a better person. This was not how 'school' was, however. Instead, it was a place where punches, pinches, thumps, thuds, smacks, compass-pokings and major league teasing occurred. I grew to hate school, not because I had no wish to learn, but because the environment in the 1970's schools of England was not suitable for learning.

Aged 16, the lady who gave me a car ride to various bell-ringing opportunities within the district suddenly stated that she would no longer do so. She gave me no reason, merely saying that if I thought about it, I would know why. I never did find a reason, and spent several years hating her. This was due to bell-ringing being my main pleasure in life. It was an obsession that gave me escape from the hells of school life, opportunity for romantic dreams, and access to a social life my parents approved of that I too enjoyed.

For forty years, I lived with both anger and hatred as regular parts of my life. I had given up stamping on the stairs and slamming doors, and also writing stories of revenge, but I was far from healed until Buddhism taught me ways to handle anger and hatred.

I will continue this discussion my next post.