Buddhist discussion:The modern world

Sometimes, I wonder how many Buddhists actually practice Buddhism.

What I mean by this is that I keep on coming across people who talk about Buddhism, attend temples, read books, write books, and claim to practice Buddhism - yet do not live right, deep enough to touch/live from internal Dharma, or seem to do more than paint a few pictures of reality rather than live it out.

Yes, there are currently nuns and monks on the planet - studying, learning, praying. How many of them actually work on personal kilesa eradication, how many of them can practice tonglen, how many of them follow nature's hints rather than mankind's set-hour gongs and bells? How many have actually achieved what they intend?

Yes, there are learned and well-intentioned lay-people on this planet - but do they actually find anything in their practice that becomes a right life - or do they just tale a step towards living right? How many put the focus on buddhism, rather than place it onto a once-a-week pedestal?

I see so much half-heartedness amongst the modern western Buddhist world. I read many modern Buddhist authors who have a few great ideas amongst a life accepting the wrongs of this world. Am I the only human left with enthusiasm and effort combined with intention?

Is there noone else on this planet who is so devoted to the natural truth, that they are unwilling to point in any other direction?

Friends often call me a 'nun in a house' - because the focus of my life is Buddhism. Yet I reject the idea of dwelling in a nunnery, with everything laid out at certain man-made hours rather than when it feels right, with the learnings to be taken in a set order rather than when they naturally arise, with the reading, contemplation, practice and meditation ratio set by Mother Nature, rather than a boss-nun.

I am certain that there are many Buddhists practicing Buddhism somewhere, but how many actually LIVE Buddhism, rather than aim towards it?