BUDDHIST PRACTICE: My need - why I cannot become a nun

I agree that a woman's natural place is within a family home, rather than a nunnery. It is my intention to remain in a home environment for as long as I can.

I naturally feel right when I can follow Mother Nature's guidance - cleaning the bathroom, weeding the vegetable patch, cooking from scratch, observing the birdlife in the yard, reading Buddhist texts, shopping for groceries, cuddling my man. I need to live a regular life in a Buddhist way, not a Buddhist life in a regular way.

In a nunnery, I would have to follow just one path of Buddhism. I prefer to read texts from a selection of lineages. I would have to regulate my prayer, meditation, text-study, mealtimes, etc into a set pattern. I prefer to practice in whichever way naturally feels right on each separate day.

I can learn better from a combination of Buddhist schools than from selecting one set and structured path. I progress more rapidly by taking my practice as it comes, than doing certain pieces at certain times. I need to go at my own pace, nature's pace. I cannot go at the pace of society or a nunnery.

I do not even think they have nunneries where I live that follow either Thai Dhutanga or Tibetan Vajrayana. Those are the two forms of Buddhism that I relate to and can learn from the most.

I need to devote most/all my day and life to Buddhist practice - but I cannot become a nun to do so.

BUDDHIST PRACTICE: My need - a short introduction

I have the need to fix my life in such manner that I can be a 24 hour a day Buddhist practitioner. I do not yet know how to do this, but this issue needs to be resolved before I can regain my contentment.

I cannot become a nun. Firstly, the Buddha is known to have said that the acceptance of an order of nuns would shorten the lifespan of the Dharma on this planet. Secondly, I do not feel that a nunnery would be the best place to practice. I cannot find the right way to live without becoming a nun. Firstly, I am pressured to supply enough income to self support. Secondly, I need to find paid work that I can do from home.

I need to locate a lifestyle that can support me for between 1& 12 years. I have looked into so many options, but none lead to an acceptable solution. I need to focus my attention on this problem and solve it though.

Buddhist discussion:The modern world

Sometimes, I wonder how many Buddhists actually practice Buddhism.

What I mean by this is that I keep on coming across people who talk about Buddhism, attend temples, read books, write books, and claim to practice Buddhism - yet do not live right, deep enough to touch/live from internal Dharma, or seem to do more than paint a few pictures of reality rather than live it out.

Yes, there are currently nuns and monks on the planet - studying, learning, praying. How many of them actually work on personal kilesa eradication, how many of them can practice tonglen, how many of them follow nature's hints rather than mankind's set-hour gongs and bells? How many have actually achieved what they intend?

Yes, there are learned and well-intentioned lay-people on this planet - but do they actually find anything in their practice that becomes a right life - or do they just tale a step towards living right? How many put the focus on buddhism, rather than place it onto a once-a-week pedestal?

I see so much half-heartedness amongst the modern western Buddhist world. I read many modern Buddhist authors who have a few great ideas amongst a life accepting the wrongs of this world. Am I the only human left with enthusiasm and effort combined with intention?

Is there noone else on this planet who is so devoted to the natural truth, that they are unwilling to point in any other direction?

Friends often call me a 'nun in a house' - because the focus of my life is Buddhism. Yet I reject the idea of dwelling in a nunnery, with everything laid out at certain man-made hours rather than when it feels right, with the learnings to be taken in a set order rather than when they naturally arise, with the reading, contemplation, practice and meditation ratio set by Mother Nature, rather than a boss-nun.

I am certain that there are many Buddhists practicing Buddhism somewhere, but how many actually LIVE Buddhism, rather than aim towards it?

However up, however down, travel onward without a frown...

All it takes is a little too much time spent doing other things, rather than reading, studying, practicing... and all you learned, found, and knew just disappears, evaporates, vanishes.

Just a few 'I will do it later's or 'cannot fit it in today's and you begin to slide back down that mountain you are climbing.

But -

The thing to do is get back on track, asap.

Read just a few paragraphs, meditate for just ten minutes, read through the next class notes...
You may not magically appear back where you were, but it will secure you from falling further down and out - and you will have your feet set to start climbing again soon.

This is what I have found with both my Buddhism and yoga practices.

BUDDHIST PRACTICE: Back to the beginning

Another circle begins...

Just as nature has many seasons, circling round eternally, repeating over and over again, so does life, love, learning, EVERYTHING perhaps.

Nature may run Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter...
Life may run rebirth, grow, age, die, rebirth, grow, age, die, rebirth, grow, age, die, rebirth, grow, age, die...

Currently, I am expelled from university with honors - but as I walk out of my graduation, I walk into kindergarten class...

If before I succeeded in learning the deepest deep, but when I stepped out to live it I was started over again, I suppose I must have been re-started to learn the broadest broad, this time thru...

BUDDHIST CONTEMPLATION: Reading about the spiritually great 2

Discussing a quote part 2-2

QUOTE From Self-Knowledge Autumn 1988
“To read about the spiritually great ones of the earth and to ponder on their lives, accustoms the heart to bear their finer rhythm, and reproduces in us the light with which their hearts were filled. In this way the focus is shifted and changes are brought about.”

When I first began to investigate Buddhism, it was through reading books by and about successful Buddhists that gave me eye & heart-opening experiences. Those same experiences which taught me to trust Buddhism, and actively take refuge in Buddhism for myself. After a year or so of studying great Buddhists, I was broadminded enough to read of other religions.

I was born into a Christian family. But it was not until understanding Buddhism, and the similarities and differences between these two faiths, that I found any meaning within my birth faith.

I have sometimes looked at, and more recently begun to research and write articles about Hindu deities. Whereas my initial attitude was “OMG, too many gods! I don't even believe in one.”, I can now understand the importance of the many aspects and incarnations of these deities to their followers.

BUDDHIST CONTEMPLATION: Reading about the spiritually great part 1

Discussing a quote part 1 of 2

QUOTE From Self-Knowledge Autumn 1988
“To read about the spiritually great ones of the earth and to ponder on their lives, accustoms the heart to bear their finer rhythm, and reproduces in us the light with which their hearts were filled. In this way the focus is shifted and changes are brought about.”

This fits with my own experience. Although I personally prefer to read about the spiritually great Buddhists - from The Buddha himself to those of more recent and current times - reading about spiritually great beings from within other faiths has also opened my mind.

I often find great value in reading such books as those by the Dalai Lama, the Acariya Mun biography, etc. Seeing that humans of recent times and today are successfully living as Buddhists gives me hope that Buddhism will not die out, only spread further. It offers me relief also, in that I read of so many modern Buddhists. Many of these appear to merely change a few superficial matters and indulge in frequent meditation sessions, and call that Buddhism. For me, Buddhism means a complete overhaul. It is a total meal of life, not just icing on the cake of living.

One of the ways I rapidly progress in Buddhist understanding is to absorb the teachings and lifestyles of the better-known Buddhists. I read and the wisdom gathered connects to my inner core, opening up a route 'down' to my better bits. This allows for me to further explore, experience, and understand the teachings personally, rather than just read words into my eyes and thought without gain.

BUDDHIST PRACTICE: Mind levels

I am back to front again, sigh. Most people (apparently) weep and have fear over losing their 'I' self.

Me…? I couldn’t wait to get rid of the superficial shit that I didn't use anyway! I eagerly threw away my skin to enjoy my bone marrow!

It was as if I was needing to get rid of the useless bits - that everybody else thinks are essential - of MYSELF, as well as life. It is definitely not a secret that I don’t waste money/energy on 'rubbish' like a car, cell, washer, microwave, etc… but nor do I on my think-mind!

Most people cling to these pieces. I never really used that level in this current life. I seem to have predominantly lived from my middle minds - emotions and spiritual sensing - not the thinking mind. I thought of course, but did not live in that zone, or rely on it, or call it 'me'.

I suppose that is why it is easier for me to reach the inner core that for most - but more difficult to read Buddhism manuals teaching how to recognize the 'I' as empty. Not using the regular everyday 'I' to begin with, I find it hard to follow the reasoning given n some books.

BUDDHIST CONTEMPLATION: A FORMER LIFE?

I was recently researching Ati Yoga for a Yoga website that I write for, and became quite interested with the results of my research.

Ati Yoga is a topic that I had already heard about due to my online Buddhism interest. I already knew it was connected with Dzogchen Buddhism, although not entirely certain in what way. It appears to be a label for Dzogchen practice, which in Sanskrit is called Mahasandhi, and is also known as the Great Perfection.

It is the third of the inner tantras of Dzogchen, which are Mind Section, Space Section and Instruction Section. The word Ati stands for supreme. It comprises the highest teachings within the Nyingma School of Buddhism. These Ati Yoga teachings were first given to Garab Dorje in Uddiyana, Western India. Well known masters include Garab Dorje, Manjushrimitra, and Padmasambhava.

Following previous initiations, the fourth or Word Initiation is an empowerment allowing the recipient to receive and understand this Highest Yoga Tantra. It refers to entering the depths of Samadhi, using natural insight and primordial enlightenment, and a centering to the core from sideward emotional movements - such as like/dislike or hope/fear. It uses the core realization to liberate one within a short time span.

It appears that I have been practicing something very similar on my own. This leads me to wonder if perhaps I might have been drawn to reading the Dzogchen teachings from having practiced them in a former life - because I have not had a Dzogchen initiation in my current life, yet seem to relate well to the respective books that I have read, and be practicing something similar without further instruction.

BUDDHIST CONTEMPLATION: anger and attachment

2 more examples of my 'mixed' practice

In Mahayana, one is supposed to be able to overcome such as anger by using the emptiness teachings - contemplating how the anger does not exist from it's own side, whereas I have already dealt with removing anger, and am currently dealing with the seeds of anger/anger on a subtler level, from the Thai Dhutanga teachings regarding kilesa eradication.

Maybe I follow the Eastern road to arrive at the Western city! It would not be the first time that something worked better for me when done in a different - yet still correct - way.

Taking another example - attachment. When I attach to someone/thing, it is for a valid reason, rather than a mistaken and unaware action. For example, I attach myself to a few select people - not because I have wrong view or let my emotions rule, but because doing so helps my studies progress rapidly. The Buddha himself was known to say that one should socialize with wise friends, and that it is better to live alone than with foolish companions. Eliminating my thought and emotion, making the choice of my company based upon knowing who is/is not wise company, is it still wrong to hold on to friendships with the wise and loosen hold on those with the foolish?

Perhaps if I clung fast, exaggerated, and made demands of these people. But it does not seem wrong to make arrangements to continue to know people who can help my practice, or if they seek freedom from my presence currently, to ensure that we will meet again in our future lives. (I do not want to waste forty years in my next life before encountering Buddhism.) I want to know that I will connect with people who can put me on the right track right away next time through!

In Buddhist readings, you hear of people who meet again and again in many of their lives; sometimes they are friends and sometimes family. You also read of spiritual friends who make a vow to help one another continuously throughout their many lives, until they both reach their goal of realizing Nirvana. Is such an attachment as THAT to be considered wrong?