Time will tell

I was reflecting on how much I have changed over the past 3-4 years, since I first picked up a Buddhist book, then another, another, and… I was soon reading and practicing too much to call myself anything but a Buddhist.

Although there is still much work to be done, the progress over the past 2-3 years of my life has been much greater than my entire life to that day. A mere five years ago, I still had remains of my childhood Spanish temper raging and roaring in my head, even if I had learned to control my body since becoming adult. Back then, I very rarely thought of other people apart from my close family and friends. I used to kill bugs, bait mice, and eat meat nearly everyday, without a thought to what I was doing.

Looking at myself now, I am not yet perfect, but I have come a long way. My angry furious mood is usually restricted to a mild irritation or annoyance, I am fully vegetarian and almost vegan, I don’t use any bug killer or bait at all, and I have recently begun to think of other people before myself.

The latter is something I did not think would be possible - yet I am in the middle of a situation where my difficulties lie between how to best please two other parties. I suddenly realized, whilst considering the two options, that I had altogether forgotten to think about what would be best for myself! It simply had not crossed my mind. This was quite amazing to me - it remains a surprise that I have managed to get this far considering my selfish and greedy past. I am not saying I am entirely improved - but that the first steps are finally surfacing.