MEDITATION POSTURE

I have tried various conventional and unconventional postures over the past two years of meditation practice. The traditional lotus-legged and erect-backed posture sometimes works for me, but sometimes does not. It generally only feels right in the middle of a Yoga session, at other times my awareness is constantly being drawn to body posture and away from actual meditation. I am forever having to straighten my back or adjust my legs.

The various traditions and lineages of Buddhism have differing rules in relation to meditation posture, some being far stricter than others. Some expect a specific pose to be held for an extensive duration and frown if you fail, whereas others allow for individual bodies to feel right or wrong in a set posture and make allowances. Other Buddhism styles promote constant meditation within everyday life, rather than a structured seated or walking practice.

Whilst I wish to remain respectful of the various traditions, I find it more difficult to practice when limited to a specific physical stance. Personally, I find it easier to meditate whilst lying in or on the bed, or whilst doing simple everyday chores. The Yogic Savasana pose is another natural door to meditation for me.

If the idea of meditation is to withdraw from the body senses, I do not understand why a special pose is required, other than for ease of practice. If we are not supposed to retain awareness of body but focus on internal matters, it seems preferable to take the easiest pose in which this can be done rather than attempt to hold a certain posture due to it being conventionally helpful. Surely using a pose which offers the ability to better progress with our practice would be better than attempting to practice in a position that does not personally assist pour own progress?

TONGLEN

I recently discovered the Yoga style called 'Tibetan Heart Yoga' when researching for a brief descriptive article I was writing for Yogatap.com. I was amazed to discover that among the better known teachers of Heart Yoga in the West is Geshe Michael Roach. (The same guy who created the Buddhism courses that I download for my personal study!)

QUOTE from The Tibetan Book of Yoga by Geshe Michael Roach : “Tibetan Heart Yoga works on your heart in two ways: It makes your physical heart and your body healthy and strong, and it opens your heart to love others. And of course the first always comes from the second.”

Tonglen is part of Tibetan Heart Yoga practice. This is an activity I first became acquainted with due to reading a book several months ago, and feel particularly inclined towards continuing the practice of. I was therefore most delighted to find that the book was available to purchase and have done so, with the aim of incorporating this form of Yoga/Buddhism practice twice weekly in addition to my current studies and practices.

I now have two different practices of Tonglen - one extended working on a single being over a half hour Yoga sequence and a much briefer one, which can be based on numerous beings within a few minutes and is purely of spiritual nature based on visualization and breathing.

Buddhism works!

For the first time in forty years, I have encountered a situation with comparative ease that would formally have send me near crazy with fear, anger and hatred.

I have led a very dramatic life in the past, and it has really only been the past 2 years, since discovering and practicing Buddhism, that I have made any major progress is sorting out the mess I mad of things historically.

There is one painful situation, a former legal attachment, that haunts me still. However, after the latest encounter, I am amazed at how much I have changed in the way I am able to deal with this situation.

Briefly, I legally wed a clinically insane man who soon after the wedding stopped taking his medication and thence became violent and mentally & emotionally abusive. I separated for safety's sake when three weeks pregnant. Over the following 18-19 years, I have been legally harassed, blackmailed, terrorized, and subjected to witchcraft.

For many years, I hated, feared, and held anger against my ex and his family. Anytime they tried to force me back to fix their shattered perfect image or punish me if I would not oblige, I grew full of furious rage at the injustice, terrified of what damage they would do to my son and self spiritually or physically, and put up a firm and fierce barrier of hatred in opposition and rejection.

Over the past 1-2 years, I have been practicing Buddhism. I have now lost the ability to hate, and I no longer allow anger or fear to take hold if I spot their reappearance in such forms as injustice, annoyance, or threat.

Recently, I encountered yet another possible threat from this family of my past, despite the relationship having firmly ended in mid 1990. I was able to deal with the potentially threatening letter calmly - no fear, no hate, and no anger! Just a few years ago, this letter would have sent me rabid with anger, snarling with hate, and terrified me as to what they might do, but now, I am free of that suffering - YES, BUDDHISM WORKS!!!!

OK, now I am rid of the major league baddies, time to tackle the minor league seeds!

Dharma Day

I recently felt a little dragged down by the commercial side of my freelance writing career. I generally feel perky when it comes to the creative side, but this area does not pay enough to live from on its own. Also, due to a rather lazy patch in my yoga for a few weeks, I was a little unfit and suffering from so many long hours perched in my typing chair. I therefore decided to take a day off from my writing work - and the chair - and devote it to an extended Yoga routine along with some serious Buddhism study.

Alternating between memorizing the work involved in class 1-2-3-4 of course 3 Buddhism studies from ACI (www.world-view.org/aci.) and concentrated re-reading of a personally helpful Buddhist library book originating from Sri Lanka, I occupied most of my day off. I must admit that this 'Dharma Day' holiday did me the world of good, both physically and spiritually.

I am thinking of thus occupying myself once monthly, in lieu of public holidays. (My weekend not always offering me enough time to devote an entire day to my studies & practice.)

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 8

Observation of the beauty of mice allowed me to relax and accept their presence. Whereas once I would scream, leap upon a chair and panic - then set a trap, now I was able to observe their miniscule pink fingers, long thin whiskers, and curling gray tails. They were far more frightened of me than I of them, which I observed whenever trying to take a photograph to share my new wonder of their existence with others.

Relying for several months on charity handouts, I felt rich in giving the mice a few scraps for their own meals. This balanced out the take and give for me. I did not feel wrong in taking food from society if I shared it with my teenage son, a growing flock of pigeons, and the mice in my home. It was not all going into my own belly, but supporting others as I myself was being aided.

Gradually, I grew to accept spiders in my bedroom. I am currently able to sleep with a half dozen or more living peacefully on the ceiling above me, and with one webbed just above my pillow even. I only have to wonder if that gray wriggly BEING up in the corner might be the rebirth of my own mother, to cease screaming and running for spray or a broom. How would I live with what I had done, were I so squish or chemically murder my own mother!

Learning to communicate with non-human beings has also assisted me. Using the language of the heart, I was able to talk with the pet pigeons who live on our roof. This developed into compassion for and communication with other beings, such as the cockroaches. I am now able to ask them to please be a little quieter, but enjoy any scraps they may find in the kitchen, should they disturb my sleep at night.

From a no-care attitude with chemical murder, through a do care but what can I do attitude of chemical-free destruction, I have now reached the Buddhist target of Ahimsa. This has not stopped - and I have progressed into my dietary stance of 95% vegetarianism.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 7

The first changes came when I became environmentally active a year or two prior to my Buddhist practice. I began to eliminate chemicals from my home. I did not want to destroy our natural environment - just be rid of those pests!

I was unable to sleep were there a spider in my bedroom. I woke at the first sound of cockroaches crawling about in the entryway, next to my room. I shrieked and jumped fearfully, when catching a mouse scurry past. I was so unable to enter the laundry with daddy long legs present, that once refusing to spray them, I initially cruelly snipped at their legs to discourage their living their using garden shears.

When I first considered taking up the path to Buddhism, I was unsure how to address my problems with the natural creatures that society considers to be pests. It took me over a year until I gradually learned to look upon them as equal beings with equal feelings and rights to myself. It was not until I had learned this, that I was able to stop tormenting any such creature that came near me. The lack of significance of 'self' also played a major role, along with my growing compassion and acceptance.

Over the past twelve months, I have learned to cease my former fear, live with and beside these 'friends' in equality, and respect their rights without demanding my own. I have naturally and automatically become unable to intentionally harm them, leading to the ability to follow the Buddhist principle of ahimsa.

I did not start by realizing I should not, forbidding myself to do so, and then manufacturing ways to establish this, but began by doing and subsequently understanding.

I will conclude this discussion my next post.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 6

The final issue I would like to discuss in relation to the initial question, which I began to deal with back in post 1, is my attitude towards insects. During the past, I was what I currently consider to be very cruel and merciless, mostly due to fear and partially due to expectation.

Humans, especially females, are generally accepted as being opposed to insects invading their homes and life. From spiders, cockroaches, and ants, through to mice, bees and unidentifiable pests, the current trend is for modern Western society members to use a can of spray or trap and eradicate these 'nuisances'.

Within my childhood, I can recall both scientific play with ants and fear of spiders. I would torment ants in the name of interest and experiment, surrounding them with a circle of water or covering them with water, just to see their reaction, for example. These 'pets' bit me, so I felt it only fair to punish them!

Spiders caused me many nightmares. The only time I was ever known to sleepwalk, I recall my mother finding me standing a few feet from my bed screaming and crying, standing on my bedside rug. A second time I remember waking in similar fear from the recurrent dream of spiders gradually filling my room until there were hundreds, even thousands of them - and no room for me! The second time, I managed to simply wake up, shed a few silent tears, and climb back into bed, without disturbing my parents who slept in the room next to me. This dream occurred many times, but never again had me out of bed or in fearful tears.

In my twenties and thirties, the 'interim' of my life as I sometimes refer to it, I leapt in fear as mice scurried across the floor, ran for the spray can of insect killer if I spotted a big black roach scuttling about, and murdered every bug that trespassed upon 'my' property. It was not until recent times that I learned to deal with MY faulty behavior, giving the insects and mice a life of peace.

I will continue this discussion my next post.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 5

In regard to my enthusiasm, I have oftentimes become overly enthusiastic. Some people regard me as obsessive, others as focused and determined. During my youth, my first major interest of campanology sponged up much of my passion. When this was taken from me, I turned to theater, specific Australian music, and then in turn to romantic interests, Californian musicians, and finally Buddhism.

Enthusiasm and perseverance are luckily regarded as talents rather than faults within Buddhism. These being naturally present, I do not have to learn to create them, only adapt them. Many people have a problem in energy levels when it comes to continuance with practice. I too have moments where I 'don’t care' or 'sit back' for a while, but they are far rarer than for most.

Many times I have been knocked down, bounced back up and continued. Originally, this was when I was unable to continue with my socially and mentally engrossing hobby of bell-ringing. In later years, it generally referred to attacks from my former partner on my ease of life and safety, or to moments within love affairs where I continued and the partner had turned away.

Directing this enthusiasm into the practice of Buddhism, I now have an inexhaustible avenue that cannot be challenged. No person, event, or law can prevent the continuation of this enthusiasm the way former maters were extinguished. I finally have found a subject where my enthusiasm is a talent instead of a problem. Weak or strong, nothing and noone can drag me from this path.

I will continue this discussion my next post.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 4

Few would argue with the fact that many of us suffer from difficulty within life. There are none that I personally know of who have had such a smooth ride that nothing has upset them. In fact, one of the main points accepted within Buddhism is that life IS unsatisfactory. But how to turn this fact into practical dealing with difficulties that arise may be a difficulty within itself.

I was beginning to read and study the Buddhist ideas at the same time as a major eruption of difficulties occurred. Whilst this assisted me in accepting the first Noble Truth that life sucks, it was some contemplation and much practice and experience later, before I can now report that I currently stand at 80-90% understanding of the other 3 Noble Truths!

I seem to have led a fairly dramatic life. From a simple start in a Christian home within a small village on the South Coast of England, I shot into migration, a failed marriage, single parenthood, an overseas lover who would not live with me, and many an adventure. I did not deal well with many of the changes that I was presented with, using my objection of injustice as my reason to remain fighting.

It was not until I learned the depths and truths of karma that I understood these troubles as having arisen due to my own fault. I blamed society, governments, and many other people for problems that were erupting in my life. It was 'others' not treating me naturally and fairly that I viewed as cause to my problem.

Once I had learned much of Buddhist principles and practices, I was able to see that it might be my own fault, originally if not currently. This did not stop my seeing injustice as injustice, nor recognizing Mother Nature's laws as superior to mankind's legislation; however, it led to my accepting what came my way without fighting against it.

At first, I was rebellious, then saddened and distressed, but eventually I developed the ability to accept my karmicly caused problems, and try to maintain a level mindedness below their stormy onslaught. Whereas I have yet to fully accept personal injustices, I currently can handle far more whilst retaining equanimity and peace.

I will continue this discussion my next post.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 3

Having learned to deal with newly arising potential causes for hatred or anger, I was able to step backwards and deal with historical matters. There was no way in which to locate the elusive reason behind the lady's action, however there were ways to stop hating her for what she did, and to accept that she had reason, even if I will never know what it was.

There is no longer any cause for hatred, as I have accepted that she had purpose in her action. Perhaps she did not even realize how seriously her decision affected my young life. With 2/3s my social activities wiped away, and facing upcoming examinations without the sanctuary of an engrossing hobby, I reacted in the only way I then knew to reject her decision. Looking back, it faded from importance. I forced my way into new avenues of continuation, escaped the school life, and began to write my way into freedom until I could live it for real.

An even greater hatred arose in my twenties and thirties. This still gives me occasional problems today. I entered a mistake, viewing it wrongfully as a solution - a migration and marriage.

Whereas I could handle the marriage not working out, and step away from my error, my former partner is still troubling me to return and punishing me for not doing so, some 18-20 years post separation. As a young mother needing to protect her youngster from this man's constant threats, violence, malevolence, and spiritual interference, I put up a barrier of hatred for many years. It has only been a year or so that I have been able to forgive, if not forget.

I still have moments where fear, disgust at injustice, and rejection of incompatibility occur. However, I am now free of intense hatred or furious rage in opposition. I can accept that he is caught in his karma and unable to escape, but that it would be detrimental for me to attempt to assist him at this time. He simply is incompatible. Even the Buddha found beings he was unable to assist - and I view my original ex as such for my own case. I have learned to accept this, rather than maintain a constant hatred.

I will continue this discussion my next post.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 2

At first, when reading 2-3 books concerning Buddhism, I had no intention of personally using the information that I attained. However, after several months of reading and studying the Buddhist options, I put into practice a few of the ideas and consequently developed methods of controlling both anger and hatred.

When my Mother died, I had no tears or sadness. I felt cleansed, empty of anger and hatred, and refreshed. This confused and concerned me at first, though now I recognize my belief in rebirth to offer me no cause for sorrow at the loss. The suicide of Vince Welnick a year later likewise washed out all anger and hatred from within me - though this time there were tears and sadness, which I put down to Vince's rebirth not being on this planet, but in a better yet distant place. It felt wonderful to live without these detrimental emotions. My intentions became good - I aimed at trying to improve life on the planet in ways that would make these people happier when returning.

It was not until reading the Acariya Mun biography that anger and hatred vanished from me without a death. I was reading the book over a few days, engrossed. One morning, I woke up cleansed. I put this down to reading good material, rather than fiction novels. I decided to continue to read a lot more Buddhist books and try to retain the status without anger or hatred.

Gradually, taking helpful hints from other Buddhist non-fiction books, such as those written by the Dalai Lama, and putting into practice, creating experience, and learning from deep within, I managed to create a lifestyle that is currently 95% free of both anger and hatred. This was a major part of my decision to 'become Buddhist'.

I have since learned new techniques for preventing the arising of these negativities when they appear in seed form, to ensure they do not grow into massive plants that are again difficult to remove. Taking one step back and stopping frustration or annoyance growing into fury, was my first method. The second, being to detach from all emotions not naturally arising from deep within the zone labeled Buddha Nature.

I will continue this discussion my next post.

Lifestyle changes concerning Buddhism 1

I was recently asked in what areas other than diet I have changed my lifestyle since taking refuge and pursuing the Buddhist path. Reflecting on the question for a while, I thought it might be easier to create a list of matters I have not yet changed, for this would surely be the shorter of the two. However, dealing with the question as stands, I would say that the largest changes concern my anger and hatred levels, ability to deal with difficulties, direction of enthusiasm, and attitude to bugs.

My childhood personality was one of fuming Spanish tempers and rambling imaginative lies. I was forever pretending to be a character from a TV show, acting out playful scenes with the aid of various teddy bears and dolls and a satin sheet that I used to play with. If I liked the idea of something, but did not know many details, I would proudly claim that I knew everything about the subject and rattle out a pack of lies. This was due to enthusiasm without knowledge, rather than bad intentions. My raging anger surfaced at injustice, or whenever I felt I was not being listened to or my point not being taken into account. Much door slamming and stair stamping issued from my young boisterous body at such times. Young as I was, I felt I had the right to lead my own life my own way, direct from the age of knowing from inside what was right or wrong for me.

During my teens, I learned to hate. I was not seriously out to be cruel or evil, but circumstances led me into certain situations that I did not have any alternative way of dealing with at that time. The two most major disruptions causing a build up of hatred within me being school and cessation of bell-ringing activities.

School-life in an English high school was not pleasant for me. The word school conjured up images of sitting up straight in a desk, listening to a teacher, learning what was taught, and becoming a better person. This was not how 'school' was, however. Instead, it was a place where punches, pinches, thumps, thuds, smacks, compass-pokings and major league teasing occurred. I grew to hate school, not because I had no wish to learn, but because the environment in the 1970's schools of England was not suitable for learning.

Aged 16, the lady who gave me a car ride to various bell-ringing opportunities within the district suddenly stated that she would no longer do so. She gave me no reason, merely saying that if I thought about it, I would know why. I never did find a reason, and spent several years hating her. This was due to bell-ringing being my main pleasure in life. It was an obsession that gave me escape from the hells of school life, opportunity for romantic dreams, and access to a social life my parents approved of that I too enjoyed.

For forty years, I lived with both anger and hatred as regular parts of my life. I had given up stamping on the stairs and slamming doors, and also writing stories of revenge, but I was far from healed until Buddhism taught me ways to handle anger and hatred.

I will continue this discussion my next post.