Right mindedness

I have been struggling for a few weeks to try to ascertain the correct citta level. If mind-created thought, feeling, etc is faulty and abandonable… what was left seemed to be knowing wisdom and natural is-ness.

This still presented me with problems however. I can easily accept that mind-created levels are wrong - but it is hard to determine the exactness of what is left.

After some struggling, I have come to the conclusion that natural is-ness is just as cruel and harmful as mind-createdness. Mother nature is not pleased with humanity, and to side with nature and wipe clean the man-made mind levels leaves one still struggling to cope with suffering and unsatisfactoriness.

Nature wants to wipe out the blemishes of which humanity appears to be one such problem and it is obviously not satisfactory to wipe oneself and own kind out. Therefore there has to be connection to other attributes of 'down there' in the deeper levels of the citta that are neither mind-created nor nature arisen. Other than inner divinity, I have yet to discover anything else at that depth within myself. But it is so linked to naturalness, that it is difficult to distinguish between the two.

However, I must put myself to this task - because I do not want to clean up the wrong levels only to be administered by more wrongness! Distinguishing between natural and right/positive/progressive and natural and wrong/negative/harmful is clearly my next task.

In continuum

Just one week later, further occurrences arose. A deeper shock removed the aspiration from me, leaving me with nothing to continue for. When you have put everything you have and are into something that you know from deep down within is right for you, and that is then denied - you can only reassess the options.

But when no other option will suffice, and the only right option is denied to you, you have to reassess yet again. For me, I have decided to live out the aspiration anyway and surrender the final reward, recognition of doing so, and suffering of many trying to turn me from that path. I know deep down inside that no other path will be the right one for me to take, so I must take it anyway - despite the 'no'.

The shock method part 7

It is as if one day you wake up and the whole world had gotten colored with red and yellow stripes - after you had read that the world would become red and yellow stripes, and you believed it truly would do so - and then - suddenly it had…

But then, accepting the red and yellow striped world, suddenly you woke and everything had gone black - next, you were shown a world of only red stripes - you recognized them completely, but there was no yellow.

Then everything went black again - and you next woke to a world of only yellow stripes - you recognized them fully, but there was no red.

Then, you took a walk, nature gave you a thunder storm, you struggled thru a bit more - and then finally, you woke in a red and yellow striped world - that was now yours, because you had believed and proved it….

From my complete faith in Buddhism, I was able to learn and grow anew from what might otherwise have been my ending. If I had only learned of one pathway, rather than a complete reading, contemplation, and inner awareness of all aspects of Buddhism, I would not have been able to fully understand my experience.

If I had only learned the Thai Dhutanga or only the Tibetan Vajrayana - when BOTH options lay before me as well as my formerly made aspiration, how would I have been correctly armed to face the decision of which direction to take or have known my way?

Within a single week of having learned of my formerly made aspiration, I had put myself to the task of living it to the full - only to seemingly have it wiped out from me. I had a choice. I could save myself, fight for my life, and drop my purpose - quit on my aspiration, or I could hold on tight to my aspiration and give up EVERYTHING else - including self, life, marriage, love, body, every friend I valued - even my very existence.

I chose the latter route and won experience and reaffirmed my former aspiration in action rather than decision alone.

The shock method part 6

Lessons I had learned from BOTH Thai Dhutanga and Tibetan Vajrayana teachings - as well as other Buddhist readings, putting my whole life into my practice, and the ACI courses - were put to the test.

What I had read/heard, then absorbed, contemplated and accepted, became not only the test itself but also the successful way through. Yes, testing EVERYTHING rather than just a toe's touch made it more of a complete examination - a life or death spiritual situation - but if I had only tested my toe, the value of what I learned and experienced would have been so much less.

I can now not only say I believe, but say I have experienced that which I have been learning over the past 2-3 years. For an example - in the third course from ACI, there is a study on a Lam Rim. Taking this into life rather than mind brings it into reality. I was pushed into the experience by a shock rather than jumping in - but because I had studied, read, listened, and believed, I knew how to swim and gain rather than sink and lose.

I had learned the strokes, read of the procedures, and put my faith in their being true based on an internal deep acceptance and knowledge. So when I was 'thrown into the ocean' after a few moments of traumatic despair, I knew how to do the swimming that saved me and brought me to new land.

The shock method part 5

That is why I find it essential to LIVE Buddhism fully, not partially as 'one piece' of a life, which seems to be the way many Westerners 'use' Buddhism. If I had not put absolutely everything into my faith, I would have come through this as a crazy screaming mess or a suicide statistic, rather than having developed an even closer knowledge of the Dharma.

I put EVERYTHING into my faith in the Dharma - and not just 'something'.

If you stick only your toe into the ocean of Dharma, only your toe will benefit and you will never learn to swim - but if you put everything into the Dharma and remember the teachings as you move through, you will surface the other side having experienced what you learned.

* read or listen to the Dharma
* figure it out in your head as being right
* fully believe what you learn and have complete faith in it
* then, when you are tested, you will grow in experience

Each step I believed in had to be proved by the actual living of it. I had to be 'tested' on putting my focus on my aspiration and my faith in the Dharma in contrast to my 'self' and my life. I had to prove my adherence to Buddhist principles as real rather than words. I had to show that my faith in my teachers was sincere and real.

The shock method part 4

I have learned that I cannot follow Buddhism the way the rest of the Western world seems to. I cannot keep my everyday life and add in a few Buddhist principles and call myself a Buddhist - I have to become a Buddhist in totality and only hold on to the bits of 'my life' that remain.

When a traumatic shock hits, you can scream thru the chaos and lose hold of your faith - or you can hold on tightly and crawl out the other end having found an even deeper meaning in the Dharma.

I had a choice; I could remain holding on to only one of two key areas - myself or my purpose. I chose to continue with my aspiration and lose myself completely. During this process, what I learned from both teachings that I follow was all that I had to hold on to.

If I had remained living an everyday life and applying a couple of Buddhist principles, I would not have learned or progressed from my recent experience but have collapsed screaming. I had complete faith in what I was holding onto - and many aspects of my readings came to life about me, supporting my faith. I knew where I was and how to proceed simply because I had read so much and put so much of my life into living Buddhism.

The shock method part 3

Due to my enthusiastic living of the Dharma, rather than selecting a few aspects to put into my everyday life and saying 'I am a Buddhist' because of this, I have been able to not only survive a major league 'smack on the nose' from life, but to learn and grow from this.

Without giving precise details of what I found, I can offer the following advice, based on my personal experience:
* application of a few selected Buddhist principles is NOT practicing Buddhism properly - you need to put your whole self into the Dharmic ocean, not just one toe.
* complete adherence to the Dharmic teachings can bring you thru the 'impossible' and offer you progression
* what at first might appear to be the end of everything, can lead to the beginning of everything - if you hold fast to what you have learned and have complete faith in it
* at some point, you may find that you have to prove your faith is real - if you are sincere, you will not only pass thru the trauma but you will progress on the path - whereas if you drop out, falter in faith, or lose hold of your purpose, you will have to learn the same lesson all over again before you can proceed.

The shock method part 2

It would be inappropriate to give my precise status details, but if you have read about the life of The Buddha, you will be aware that many of his followers, both monks and laymen, had major turning points in times of extreme difficulty. At these drama-points, the Buddha was ale to turn them into understanding and therefore progress them on their path to complete comprehension.

Some were brought to their experience and grasp of The Buddha's teachings via death of loved ones, others by extreme misfortune, some by dramatic and traumatic events, etc, etc…

Although this does still happen today, it does not happen as much as when a Buddha is actually physically resident upon the planet, nor as often in the 'crazy modern Western World' as places of 'Eastern sanity' where Buddhism is taken far more seriously than the application of a few core ideas. People in the West generally sink into despair and lose their opportunity to grow, rather than observe what is happening and use it to progress rather than fail or move on to something new.

The shock method part 1

I have never been one of those people who do things half-heartedly. If I am 'into' something - I am INTO it full blast. This goes for every aspect of my life, from musical preferences, personal relationships, food fads - and Buddhism. I am more the type that will read a helpful book thoroughly in every given moment, rather than skip thru briefly and snatch out a few helpful hints. I am more of the live it for real type, than the read it, think about it and try to do a little bit of it type.

Regular readers will already know that I follow both Thai Dhutanga and Tibetan Vajrayana teachings within my life, as well as reading of many others. I had been investigating the reason why I was so involved in two different styles, along with my personal role much lately - and recently discovered my aspiration from a previous life, which explained to me partially why I needed both these styles.

In the middle of February, I had one of those difficult traumatic times of life - where I received a major league shock, followed by a collapse of many areas of my life that I held dear to me within just a couple of days. Whilst this knocked me into a blank sadness for a few days, it additionally gave me new ground for learning. (I believe that this is because I use my entire life to learn from, rather than just put into practice a few aspects of Buddhism, as many modern Buddhists of the Western World seem to do.)

Buddhist practice: the laws of karma 3.

I have now completed 3 of the 18 available courses in Buddhism through ACI. In 2 of these 3, the laws of karma have been discussed and laid out. Additionally, I have read several Buddhist library books that have referred to the subject of karma. Naturally this has led to a changed perception and observed experience of the karmic law.

The basic laws of karma (perhaps not in order or official wording) are:
* If you do good, good will happen to you ad if you do bad, bad will happen to you.
* Whatever you do, will be repaid with a greater effect.
* If you have done it, it will be repaid to you.
* If you didn't do it, you cannot experience the result.

Getting back to the event of being woken by a buzzing mozzie, in the past I knew that I had no respect for insects and mistreated them terribly to be rid of their annoying presence.

* My 'bad' actions had to offer 'bad' results.
* I had harmed many bugs, just to be free of their 'pestiness'. Therefore I should expect to be troubled by many insects as a result of my previous ignorance and disrespect.
* I had harmed many bugs, so many bugs would harm me - this should be expected, accepted, and tolerated - as this is the path to release. (Were I to react in badness again, more badness would come my way - but to accept it as karmic law would release me from future problems.)
* I had done it, so this rule did not apply.

Buddhist practice: the laws of karma 2.

Originally in this life, I had no idea at all what karma was or did. I was brought up as a Christian, and totally unaware of Buddhist principles and theory. It was not until a friend of mine mentioned karma in 2006 or 2007, that I looked at the subject and reviewed my observations.

I read a few library books dealing with the subject from the Buddhist viewpoint, and quickly learned and accepted karmic law as a fact. Friends noted how fast I learned, so I believe that I must previously have understood karmic law. One moment I saw karma as a misunderstood reasoning of little importance, the next I seemed to have grasped it and understood it fully. I assume that this is either because I have learned it before and then forgotten, or that my enthusiasm to learn the truth was strong enough to accept it when I learned it.

Getting back to the mozzie that decided to 'wake me up' on one recent night, I can take the rules of karma, my learning in regard to them, and my experience of karma, and see that the mozzie was supposed to annoy me due to previous actions in opposition to mozzies, or bugs in general.

Because of what I had previously done in opposition toward insects in general, or mosquitoes, I had to suffer a suitable karmic effect. I was cruel to insects in the past, so they had to be cruel to me now - and to alleviate my problem from bugs bugging me, I had to experience the result of my having bugged, murdered, damaged, and otherwise been cruel to them.

And yes, in the past of this present life, I HAD been cruel to insects, not recognizing them as equal beings, but as annoying pests!

Buddhist practice: the laws of karma 1.

A mosquito woke me during the night. I would like to talk about my reaction now, in contrast to my previous reactions, based on Buddhism.

At one point, I would have been angry at the mozzie for annoying me and waking me up, have gotten grumpy and flapped about trying to destroy this 'pest'. This is an action I perceive that many others would also find growing within them, when being woken by a noisy, flying bug that might bite and irritate my body.

At such point in my pre-Buddhism life, I would have been led to attempt to destroy the 'offending bug' believing it to be at fault, regain my sleep, and get on with life. Now, however, my attitude has improved a little.

Currently, I recognize the mozzie as a living being. As such, I understand that it has as much right to happiness as I. As mozzies are 'happy' when they buzz about and bite into human flesh, I should offer it the opportunity to do so. It is, after all, only my BODY that is harmed.

This still does not clear up the fact that the mozzie is annoying me. The only solution to THIS aspect is to focus upon karma.